i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
