she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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