cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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