dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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