sarcasm needs its own font
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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