things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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