I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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