Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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