so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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