Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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