All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
