help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
how does that bad decision feel?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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