My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
