just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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