so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
