i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
