you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
