Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My liver just had a heart attack.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
