are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
