we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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