I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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