I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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