Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
