Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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