how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
