I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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