Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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