My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
