i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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