tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
