Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
