holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
