this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need water and some morals
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
