I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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