i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
