You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
