forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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