Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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