Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My ass is underappreciated
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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