8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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