LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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