Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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