he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
