She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Best friends brother. Beat that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
