i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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