He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
