I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
