I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
