we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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