i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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