He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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