She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
