You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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