We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
