I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
