I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
