Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
