even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
