remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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