he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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