whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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