But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
