My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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